Was there a day that changed you?

Can you think back, and pinpoint one thing that happened, one comment, one picture, one single moment in time that you KNOW has had a huge effect on your life as it is?
I can.
Its really crazy actually. The way it happened, the way it affected me then, the way it effects me now, and the fact that it was a simple, small statement.

When I was 16, I was living with my boyfriend at the time. We had arguments - lots of them, but there was something there that seemed to hold us together. Maybe we relied on each other too much or just wanted it to work for the sake of it.. who knows?

Anyway, one day, we had had an argument about something, and I was feeling pretty low. I went and got changed into one of my favourite dresses to make myself feel a lot better - you know how you look good on the outside, you feel better on the inside. I also had this thought that maybe my boyfriend would think I looked good aswell and it would put him in a better mood.
Well.. I was wrong.

Its so stupid because its such a small thing. But he walked in and he looked at me, almost in disgust and asked "what's all this shit for?" - thats it. Thats the one question that I will never forget him saying, and how he said, and has had an effect on my future clothing buying experiences.

I lacked confidence back then anyway, but to be put down when I tried boosting myself up - thats just not fair.
Anyway, ever since then, I've had a very staunch, no care attitude, where I dont wear anything nice, no labelled clothes, everything must be cheap, never ever full price, and it cant be that great as it will be worn on the farm anyway. Appearance became a non-issue.

My poor husband.

My husband is completely the opposite. He loves buying shoes, clothes and getting nice new things, and here is me - not even wanting to go inside shops because regardless of what I buy, I'll look like shit anyway.

For the last few months, I've been living in work clothes (even worse than my normal clothes! lol), and gumboots. Today - the 19th of November, I changed that! It was a day in history for me. I went to a large shop and found a pair of 3/4 jeans that I liked and couldnt figure out what sort of top to go with it - almost in tears I asked the lady near me for advice as I explained that I hadnt bought my own things for a few years. She was very kind and picked out a nice top and told me that I was smaller than I think (nice lady! :0) ..). I do have some nice jeans and a few nice tops, but nothing really girly. The things I bought today were actually proper feminine clothes. After the top, and jeans, I bought 2 new pairs of shoes - but not just any shoes... shoes with HEELS. I've worn heels before - on my wedding day. They're gorgeous shoes. I havent loved shoes so much before. The additional part to me buying shoes with heels is that I bought them at FULL price. Thats CRAZY. One day. One day for me.

On the way home, I was dressed in my new clothes and my new shoes and felt so different than just the usual jeans n tee that I usually live in. I felt 'nice', I actually felt quite attractive. Isnt that funny? It was such an odd feeling. Driving all the way home, I was thinking of what my husband would say or think. If he'd ask where his wife had gone, if he was going to be happy, or if he was going to notice at all! What if he didnt even notice? This big, huge thing for me that could possibly go unnoticed, how would I feel? Would this be like a rewind to that day where my boyfriend had dissed me? Was going to get knocked down again and remember HIS statement for a decade?
Thats it though, it WAS such a big thing for me.
I came home to an empty house as he was feeding calves with the children.

When he arrived, he saw me and the first words he said were "you look pretty" .. I couldnt help but smile. All my fears went away. His hug made me feel warm and cosy. Will I remember that I wasnt as hideous as I thought, for the next 10 years?

This is most certainly a day in history though. It was the first morning since having children that I didnt have to wake up and tend to them. I stayed at a friends house overnight and made the journey home during the day. It was amazing not having to worry about breakfasts, morning teas, drinks, uniforms, bags, schedules, nappies, cries, arguments, screams or anything at all. To be quite honest, I didnt think twice about coming home - I thought long and hard all day! I didnt want to come. Being a mum of 4 children is hard.. incredibly hard. You feel that you give all you have to give and there just seems to be nothing left. I think mums need a break, and often.

Well, today was a big day for me - it doesnt sound like a lot, but this could be the beginnings of a whole new me.