We have had such a bad run this month. See if you personally, can top this..?
We got antibiotics in the milk, which meant that we had to tip out over 5000 litres of milk. That will effect so many things - our reputation, our season of milk solids, our financials. That was a bad day.
The following day, I blew the engine up on our main vehicle which is going to cost us thousands to fix. It was on the way to school, dropping my girls off. I had the dogs with me and had to walk with the children to a nearby house.
We also had an employee quit which meant that we have to advertise again and go through the entire process again.
Our 2nd main vehicle stopped going into gear.
The payout is dropping like a sack of shit, which means that if we had done our budgets like everyone else, we'd be going incredibly broke about now!
I lost my necklace that my husband had recently bought me.
And last but not least.. my puppy got ran over. I dont even know who did it - the gutless asshole never told me. They didnt inform anyone of it - we had to find him with a fucked leg.
Thinking about how bad of a month I've had, its also nearly my 3rd daughters birthday. She is due to be 3 at the end of the month. I belong to a community online and there are a lot of threads of 'due dates', I remember joining my due date thread when I was pregnant with my 3rd daughter, and getting to know the other mums a bit better. The highs, the lows, the ins, the outs.
One particular mother had her baby girl the very day before I had my daughter. Such a special time, and so our daughters birthdays are due to fall within the next fortnight.
Her little girl wont see her birthday.
She died of cancer only a couple of days ago.
There is her journal online that brings everyone to tears.
There are not many words that can express what I feel. This is hard.
We have had such a hard, financial and emotional month, and yet all of our problems together would never equate to just one day, of having to watch your 2 year old die before your eyes.
At the end of the day, we tipped the milk out - we have insurance to cover that.
Our vehicle broke down on the way to school. I had planned to do a 7 hour trip in it and yet it broke down near our house.
Our employee quitting is awesome - we can replace him with someone who doesnt hurt the cows and someone who actually cares about them.
We fixed our 2nd vehicle with simple transmission oil.
The payout might be dropping, but our investment that we made in a piece of machinery is nearly paying for itself in the first year of ownership.
My daughter had taken my necklace to school with her and her teacher sent it home with her so I got it back.
My puppy at worst, will have a broken leg and need orthapedic surgery which will cost a lot - who cares, its only money. We would pay whatever it takes for him to be better and healthy.
There are positives to all of our negatives - where is the positive in a child dying of cancer?
That, I will never answer.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Was there a day that changed you?
Can you think back, and pinpoint one thing that happened, one comment, one picture, one single moment in time that you KNOW has had a huge effect on your life as it is?
I can.
Its really crazy actually. The way it happened, the way it affected me then, the way it effects me now, and the fact that it was a simple, small statement.
When I was 16, I was living with my boyfriend at the time. We had arguments - lots of them, but there was something there that seemed to hold us together. Maybe we relied on each other too much or just wanted it to work for the sake of it.. who knows?
Anyway, one day, we had had an argument about something, and I was feeling pretty low. I went and got changed into one of my favourite dresses to make myself feel a lot better - you know how you look good on the outside, you feel better on the inside. I also had this thought that maybe my boyfriend would think I looked good aswell and it would put him in a better mood.
Well.. I was wrong.
Its so stupid because its such a small thing. But he walked in and he looked at me, almost in disgust and asked "what's all this shit for?" - thats it. Thats the one question that I will never forget him saying, and how he said, and has had an effect on my future clothing buying experiences.
I lacked confidence back then anyway, but to be put down when I tried boosting myself up - thats just not fair.
Anyway, ever since then, I've had a very staunch, no care attitude, where I dont wear anything nice, no labelled clothes, everything must be cheap, never ever full price, and it cant be that great as it will be worn on the farm anyway. Appearance became a non-issue.
My poor husband.
My husband is completely the opposite. He loves buying shoes, clothes and getting nice new things, and here is me - not even wanting to go inside shops because regardless of what I buy, I'll look like shit anyway.
For the last few months, I've been living in work clothes (even worse than my normal clothes! lol), and gumboots. Today - the 19th of November, I changed that! It was a day in history for me. I went to a large shop and found a pair of 3/4 jeans that I liked and couldnt figure out what sort of top to go with it - almost in tears I asked the lady near me for advice as I explained that I hadnt bought my own things for a few years. She was very kind and picked out a nice top and told me that I was smaller than I think (nice lady! :0) ..). I do have some nice jeans and a few nice tops, but nothing really girly. The things I bought today were actually proper feminine clothes. After the top, and jeans, I bought 2 new pairs of shoes - but not just any shoes... shoes with HEELS. I've worn heels before - on my wedding day. They're gorgeous shoes. I havent loved shoes so much before. The additional part to me buying shoes with heels is that I bought them at FULL price. Thats CRAZY. One day. One day for me.
On the way home, I was dressed in my new clothes and my new shoes and felt so different than just the usual jeans n tee that I usually live in. I felt 'nice', I actually felt quite attractive. Isnt that funny? It was such an odd feeling. Driving all the way home, I was thinking of what my husband would say or think. If he'd ask where his wife had gone, if he was going to be happy, or if he was going to notice at all! What if he didnt even notice? This big, huge thing for me that could possibly go unnoticed, how would I feel? Would this be like a rewind to that day where my boyfriend had dissed me? Was going to get knocked down again and remember HIS statement for a decade?
Thats it though, it WAS such a big thing for me.
I came home to an empty house as he was feeding calves with the children.
When he arrived, he saw me and the first words he said were "you look pretty" .. I couldnt help but smile. All my fears went away. His hug made me feel warm and cosy. Will I remember that I wasnt as hideous as I thought, for the next 10 years?
This is most certainly a day in history though. It was the first morning since having children that I didnt have to wake up and tend to them. I stayed at a friends house overnight and made the journey home during the day. It was amazing not having to worry about breakfasts, morning teas, drinks, uniforms, bags, schedules, nappies, cries, arguments, screams or anything at all. To be quite honest, I didnt think twice about coming home - I thought long and hard all day! I didnt want to come. Being a mum of 4 children is hard.. incredibly hard. You feel that you give all you have to give and there just seems to be nothing left. I think mums need a break, and often.
Well, today was a big day for me - it doesnt sound like a lot, but this could be the beginnings of a whole new me.
I can.
Its really crazy actually. The way it happened, the way it affected me then, the way it effects me now, and the fact that it was a simple, small statement.
When I was 16, I was living with my boyfriend at the time. We had arguments - lots of them, but there was something there that seemed to hold us together. Maybe we relied on each other too much or just wanted it to work for the sake of it.. who knows?
Anyway, one day, we had had an argument about something, and I was feeling pretty low. I went and got changed into one of my favourite dresses to make myself feel a lot better - you know how you look good on the outside, you feel better on the inside. I also had this thought that maybe my boyfriend would think I looked good aswell and it would put him in a better mood.
Well.. I was wrong.
Its so stupid because its such a small thing. But he walked in and he looked at me, almost in disgust and asked "what's all this shit for?" - thats it. Thats the one question that I will never forget him saying, and how he said, and has had an effect on my future clothing buying experiences.
I lacked confidence back then anyway, but to be put down when I tried boosting myself up - thats just not fair.
Anyway, ever since then, I've had a very staunch, no care attitude, where I dont wear anything nice, no labelled clothes, everything must be cheap, never ever full price, and it cant be that great as it will be worn on the farm anyway. Appearance became a non-issue.
My poor husband.
My husband is completely the opposite. He loves buying shoes, clothes and getting nice new things, and here is me - not even wanting to go inside shops because regardless of what I buy, I'll look like shit anyway.
For the last few months, I've been living in work clothes (even worse than my normal clothes! lol), and gumboots. Today - the 19th of November, I changed that! It was a day in history for me. I went to a large shop and found a pair of 3/4 jeans that I liked and couldnt figure out what sort of top to go with it - almost in tears I asked the lady near me for advice as I explained that I hadnt bought my own things for a few years. She was very kind and picked out a nice top and told me that I was smaller than I think (nice lady! :0) ..). I do have some nice jeans and a few nice tops, but nothing really girly. The things I bought today were actually proper feminine clothes. After the top, and jeans, I bought 2 new pairs of shoes - but not just any shoes... shoes with HEELS. I've worn heels before - on my wedding day. They're gorgeous shoes. I havent loved shoes so much before. The additional part to me buying shoes with heels is that I bought them at FULL price. Thats CRAZY. One day. One day for me.
On the way home, I was dressed in my new clothes and my new shoes and felt so different than just the usual jeans n tee that I usually live in. I felt 'nice', I actually felt quite attractive. Isnt that funny? It was such an odd feeling. Driving all the way home, I was thinking of what my husband would say or think. If he'd ask where his wife had gone, if he was going to be happy, or if he was going to notice at all! What if he didnt even notice? This big, huge thing for me that could possibly go unnoticed, how would I feel? Would this be like a rewind to that day where my boyfriend had dissed me? Was going to get knocked down again and remember HIS statement for a decade?
Thats it though, it WAS such a big thing for me.
I came home to an empty house as he was feeding calves with the children.
When he arrived, he saw me and the first words he said were "you look pretty" .. I couldnt help but smile. All my fears went away. His hug made me feel warm and cosy. Will I remember that I wasnt as hideous as I thought, for the next 10 years?
This is most certainly a day in history though. It was the first morning since having children that I didnt have to wake up and tend to them. I stayed at a friends house overnight and made the journey home during the day. It was amazing not having to worry about breakfasts, morning teas, drinks, uniforms, bags, schedules, nappies, cries, arguments, screams or anything at all. To be quite honest, I didnt think twice about coming home - I thought long and hard all day! I didnt want to come. Being a mum of 4 children is hard.. incredibly hard. You feel that you give all you have to give and there just seems to be nothing left. I think mums need a break, and often.
Well, today was a big day for me - it doesnt sound like a lot, but this could be the beginnings of a whole new me.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
My Husband
Not many people can say that they married their hero.
I can.
My husband saved me in so many ways - more ways than you can really save someone.
When I first met him, I was living with my ex boyfriend. We were pregnant, broke, had jobs but they werent exactly top of the line jobs - anything that would bring in income type of jobs. I studied while pregnant. My ex partners mother was basically - a drug dealer. In a smaller form than those spaced out psychos, but she used to sell marijuana to my ex's friends for extra money. She used to gamble a lot and always had a beer in her hand.
She wasnt the type of person that I wanted to be around, let alone have my (unborn) child around.
My husband, gave me the courage to leave my ex, and gave me the will to be a powerful and successful single mother. Thats what I tried.. I left, I gave birth and I tried to be a single mum.
My mum was there the entire time and I am so grateful for what she has done for me, but if it hadnt have been for my husband giving me that emotional, and mental support, maybe I never would have left.
After I did leave, the guy that I had had a crush on for 3 years *finally* wanted to be with me - even after I had a child. My husband was still overseas and we still hadnt met so it would have been so easy to walk away from him and start what I had wanted for years. An instant reaction proved me wrong and I said no to my *crush*. I will never forget that day. Throwing all those years of wanting someone away to be with someone that I had never met. Its funny, because it never felt like a risk.. it just felt normal.
When my husband arrived here, I was so happy. His hugs made me feel warm and snuggly. He encouraged me to keep studying while I was being a stay at home mum, while he worked on the farm. He encouraged me to study throughout my 2nd pregnancy. He never pressured me to work but told me that I could, if I wanted to. I remember once telling him I should apply at McDonalds - the response "No wife of mine is working at a fast food place!" .. alright then - I wont be doing that.
He encouraged me to milk cows, and said that I'd enjoy it and share his passion for his job - how did he know that? I will never know how he knew, but I know he was right.
After 3 or so years together, we worked together - it was a challenge, but one that I would hate to change. We work together now, but its so much more than that.
There are so many parts to a marriage - so many parts to a relationship - a marriage is uniting 2 lives to live together, to share those special moments, to be there when things are tough.
I know that some dont believe in 'the one' - they obviously have never met their 'one'.
I dont know if there are 2 people on earth that 'get' each other, as we do.
I sure hope so.
My husband is a brilliant farmer - the best, in many peoples eyes. I'm under so much pressure to be 'the best wife' of the best farmer.. those are some big boots to fill. He says that I'm good at what I do and that he's so proud of where I've come, where we've come.
He does many jobs that I cant watch, things that make my heart sink, and make me want to vomit - one of those things, is having to humanely kill calves as nobody wants them, which is what we are meant to be doing a lot of.
Recently - we had the most gorgeous Jersey Bull arrive - absolutely gorgeous! Now, we are not allowed to keep the bulls, we are allowed the heifers, but not the bulls because 'they're not worth it'.. well this little bull IS worth it, and I begged and pleaded with my husband to let me give him a chance - let me give him life. He reluctantly agreed firmly telling our staff 'do NOT kill the calf as we want it' (notice I said 'we'?). Yesterday, he said to me "we're not going to make up the heifer numbers, so we'll just keep everything from now on" (if we're allowed to by the owner which I'm not too hopeful about by the way - which is a whole nother blog!) .. I couldnt believe it - after being married to this man for over 6 years and knowing every little thing about him, he just about floors me with this statement of letting me keep ALL calves. He is such a big man, with such a beautiful heart.
He loves me more than I thought any man could ever love his wife.. and I love him more than I thought I ever could.
I love so many things, that are just 'things'.. they mean nothing to anyone else, but everything to me.
The way that he has big jerseys, and lets me wear all of his clothes which are so droopy and comfy on me.
The way I get so grumpy and I NEVER get to stay that way as he makes me laugh.
The way that he always helps with the children.
The way that he will vacuum the floor, or cook dinner to give me a break.
The way he gets grumpy when I nudge or poke him because hes snoring too loudly.
The way he HATES feet but will ignore the feeling of vomit and still rub mine.
The way he gets along with EVERYONE.
The way he goes out of his way to help ANYONE and EVERYONE, with anything at all that he can help with.
The way he adores our family portraits and comments on how great we all look.
The way he encouraged our dog breeder to let me get the puppy that I wanted, not the one that was actually available.
The way that he doesnt kill the cat when he craps inside **damn cat**.
His big bear hugs.
His big smile when hes done something sweet.
The way that he is constantly bringing me 4 leafed clovers that he finds in paddocks.
The fact he has FANTASTIC taste in jewellery and that he DOESNT buy me a whole heap of it as he knows that I cant wear it in my job.
He supports me in everything I do. I'm so lucky.
People say that you dont know what you've got, until its gone. Well, I know what I've got and I dont want to lose it.
I'm so grateful for what I have. I'm only 24 and have found what others live their entire lives trying to find.
I can.
My husband saved me in so many ways - more ways than you can really save someone.
When I first met him, I was living with my ex boyfriend. We were pregnant, broke, had jobs but they werent exactly top of the line jobs - anything that would bring in income type of jobs. I studied while pregnant. My ex partners mother was basically - a drug dealer. In a smaller form than those spaced out psychos, but she used to sell marijuana to my ex's friends for extra money. She used to gamble a lot and always had a beer in her hand.
She wasnt the type of person that I wanted to be around, let alone have my (unborn) child around.
My husband, gave me the courage to leave my ex, and gave me the will to be a powerful and successful single mother. Thats what I tried.. I left, I gave birth and I tried to be a single mum.
My mum was there the entire time and I am so grateful for what she has done for me, but if it hadnt have been for my husband giving me that emotional, and mental support, maybe I never would have left.
After I did leave, the guy that I had had a crush on for 3 years *finally* wanted to be with me - even after I had a child. My husband was still overseas and we still hadnt met so it would have been so easy to walk away from him and start what I had wanted for years. An instant reaction proved me wrong and I said no to my *crush*. I will never forget that day. Throwing all those years of wanting someone away to be with someone that I had never met. Its funny, because it never felt like a risk.. it just felt normal.
When my husband arrived here, I was so happy. His hugs made me feel warm and snuggly. He encouraged me to keep studying while I was being a stay at home mum, while he worked on the farm. He encouraged me to study throughout my 2nd pregnancy. He never pressured me to work but told me that I could, if I wanted to. I remember once telling him I should apply at McDonalds - the response "No wife of mine is working at a fast food place!" .. alright then - I wont be doing that.
He encouraged me to milk cows, and said that I'd enjoy it and share his passion for his job - how did he know that? I will never know how he knew, but I know he was right.
After 3 or so years together, we worked together - it was a challenge, but one that I would hate to change. We work together now, but its so much more than that.
There are so many parts to a marriage - so many parts to a relationship - a marriage is uniting 2 lives to live together, to share those special moments, to be there when things are tough.
I know that some dont believe in 'the one' - they obviously have never met their 'one'.
I dont know if there are 2 people on earth that 'get' each other, as we do.
I sure hope so.
My husband is a brilliant farmer - the best, in many peoples eyes. I'm under so much pressure to be 'the best wife' of the best farmer.. those are some big boots to fill. He says that I'm good at what I do and that he's so proud of where I've come, where we've come.
He does many jobs that I cant watch, things that make my heart sink, and make me want to vomit - one of those things, is having to humanely kill calves as nobody wants them, which is what we are meant to be doing a lot of.
Recently - we had the most gorgeous Jersey Bull arrive - absolutely gorgeous! Now, we are not allowed to keep the bulls, we are allowed the heifers, but not the bulls because 'they're not worth it'.. well this little bull IS worth it, and I begged and pleaded with my husband to let me give him a chance - let me give him life. He reluctantly agreed firmly telling our staff 'do NOT kill the calf as we want it' (notice I said 'we'?). Yesterday, he said to me "we're not going to make up the heifer numbers, so we'll just keep everything from now on" (if we're allowed to by the owner which I'm not too hopeful about by the way - which is a whole nother blog!) .. I couldnt believe it - after being married to this man for over 6 years and knowing every little thing about him, he just about floors me with this statement of letting me keep ALL calves. He is such a big man, with such a beautiful heart.
He loves me more than I thought any man could ever love his wife.. and I love him more than I thought I ever could.
I love so many things, that are just 'things'.. they mean nothing to anyone else, but everything to me.
The way that he has big jerseys, and lets me wear all of his clothes which are so droopy and comfy on me.
The way I get so grumpy and I NEVER get to stay that way as he makes me laugh.
The way that he always helps with the children.
The way that he will vacuum the floor, or cook dinner to give me a break.
The way he gets grumpy when I nudge or poke him because hes snoring too loudly.
The way he HATES feet but will ignore the feeling of vomit and still rub mine.
The way he gets along with EVERYONE.
The way he goes out of his way to help ANYONE and EVERYONE, with anything at all that he can help with.
The way he adores our family portraits and comments on how great we all look.
The way he encouraged our dog breeder to let me get the puppy that I wanted, not the one that was actually available.
The way that he doesnt kill the cat when he craps inside **damn cat**.
His big bear hugs.
His big smile when hes done something sweet.
The way that he is constantly bringing me 4 leafed clovers that he finds in paddocks.
The fact he has FANTASTIC taste in jewellery and that he DOESNT buy me a whole heap of it as he knows that I cant wear it in my job.
He supports me in everything I do. I'm so lucky.
People say that you dont know what you've got, until its gone. Well, I know what I've got and I dont want to lose it.
I'm so grateful for what I have. I'm only 24 and have found what others live their entire lives trying to find.
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